Karen Valencic’s Blog

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Give conflict a break!

April 26th, 2010

Misunderstood, avoided, and talked about - if this were a person we’d want to help him! What I am describing is ‘conflict.’ Sure there is talk about how necessary and natural conflict is, yet it still remains something most people would just like to eliminate from their lives.

The typical manager spends 25-40% of his or her time dealing with workplace conflict (Washington Business Journal, May 2005). This translates to 1-2 days a week. Finding ways to re-capture this time for something creative makes good business sense. How much money does 1-2 days of a manager’s time cost in your organization? What about other indirect costs: interrupted work, loss of sleep, time spent talking about it, absenteeism, and employee distraction? Can you afford this?

The first step is to understand conflict. Conflict comes from the root words: strike together. Take your fist and push it against your other fist or some other object - this is conflict. When you feel this tension you have a choice: to keep pushing long or hard and be destructive or recognize the tension and make a choice to move with it and influence what happens next. One choice increases struggle and destruction; the other creates movement and solutions.

Our current economic climate is pushing many people and organizations. Those who are succeeding recognize the push and move with it in a variety of ways. This is a time when innovation and creativity are a must for survival. Innovation requires conflict and our performance peaks when we are challenged. Without the initial push or tension we don’t grow because there is no desire to change things. Learning to push ‘just right’ is the key to Using Conflict Creatively.

In the business world the words conflict management are frequently used. This makes me shutter! Managing conflict is like trying to manage children or spouses. You can manage your money or production line, not conflict. Things are managed; people are lead. What is needed is to learn how to lead creatively through conflict. This requires personal development and awareness; there are no short cuts.

Conflict is a mind/body/spirit phenomenon. As I’ve worked, consciously, with conflict for almost 2 decades I have found sharing tools that are visual, tactile and auditory provide for the best learning transfer to begin to understand conflict and then use it for innovation.

A spiral is the most powerful tool for transforming conflict. When that initial push happens learn to spiral with rather than pushing against creates almost automatic influence and diffusion. The analogy of using a hammer and nail versus a screwdriver and screw illustrates this beautifully. A hammer requires a focused large force. If it doesn’t hit its target - someone gets hurt. Where a screwdriver and screw requires less force, is more stable, and ultimately gives you a better long term result. Applied to conflict, I call this Spiral Impact.

Let’s not make conflict out to be a villain! Learn to understand conflict, use it creatively and you will have an endless opportunity to innovate.
Karen Valencic
President, Spiral Impact
Copyright 2010

What in the wall?

April 26th, 2010

Walls are made of many things: bricks, mortar, logs, stones, plaster, boards.

But the toughest kind of wall is made of a thousand little things; I call it the invisible wall. This wall is often made up of our reactions to: Slow responses, no response, too much information, not enough information, no acknowledgement or thank you, balls dropped, looks, snappy comments, undefined glances, unwanted-unanswered e-mails, misunderstandings, understandings, assumptions to name just a few.

Brick walls separate physical things.

Invisible walls separate our spirits.

A big hammer can tear down a brick wall.

It takes something more powerful to tear down an invisible wall. It takes a spiral to impact this wall: Becoming the calm eye, shifting our position for understanding and connection, sharing stories, sharing values, agreeing on a common on a credo of how to be together, and knowing who we aspire to be.

To live united, this is what is required.

Questions from Tiger’s Dad

April 11th, 2010

Turning your statements into questions is one key to being able to Spiral Impact a conflict. Think about it…if you have a conflict or at a ’stuck point’ there are likely many statements you make about it.

  • He will never change.
  • This always happens.
  • I am not good at this.

In the recent Tiger Woods commercial, the questions Tiger Woods’ dad asks are fantastic questions:

  • What was your thinking?
  • How do you feel about it?
  • And, what did you learn?

Any conflict you have with another can be transformed through asking questions, of course you’ve got to be ‘centered’ and authentic enough to prompt the person to answer and hear what they have to say! Read : http://www.karenvalencic.com/blog/one-crucial-thing-for-excelling

Feel stuck, have a conflict? Turn your statements about it into questions and acknowledgements. This Spirals or turns you toward solutions.

Toyota

February 22nd, 2010

I am fascinated with the current Toyota situation, as a former automotive engineer, a conflict expert and a long time student of a traditional Japanese martial art.

First of all, having been involved in the auto industry I’ve always been fascinated how well cars work when you consider how many people and processes all have to go ‘right’ when assembling a car. Thousands of people have some sort of input. The fact they actually run when they come off the assembly line is somewhat of a miracle.

‘Stuff’ happens and the more people involved the more likely more ’stuff’ happens.

When I was an automotive engineer we did something called DFME - Design Failure Mode Analysis. We looked at every dimension on every part and explored all possible problems if that dimension was not met. If something wasn’t right in manufacturing it was documented. We would never put something out that was suspect of a problem that would cause failure of a safety item. THAT WAS 25 YEARS AGO!

Toyota set a new standard since my involvement. There have been many books written to their quality standards and processes.

What happened?

I believe a combination of two things:

1. Toyota’s intention changed - their intention became one of world dominance…not the highest quality. Starbucks made a similar shift and found themselves in a hole.

2. Not willing to be transparent. When accidents happen; when people are dying the only right thing to do is be transparent immediately.

As a student of a traditional Japanese martial art…I am disappointed at the current culture of Toyota. Just move forward! Be transparent…don’t pretend to be perfect.

And that is all I have to say. Karen


Spiral and a gun

February 9th, 2010

 

My Butler University colleague, Ed Friel, shared this story with me.   I’d like to share with you.

How Spiral Impact Helped me Keep My Job and Probably Saved My Life

Think of a deranged Danny DeVito. That was Mr. Earl Mauldine, owner of Mauldine Freight Lines, Montreal, Quebec, Canada. And right now, I’m in Mr. Earl’s office, and he’s screaming at me, his face livid as he orders me out of his office and off his property.

I’m the Division Manager for Canada for Cummins Diesel Engines. Most of Mr. Earl’s fleet of 800 trucks are Cummins powered Ford Heavy Duty tractors. Two hundred of those are new, and he’s experiencing a 30% failure rate of these new engines, resulting in lost freight revenue, stranded drivers, and irate customers. He wants things fixed….now! Behind the scenes, Ford and Cummins are pointing the finger of blame at one another. Neither company accepts responsibility, and Mr. Earl is exasperated. 

Last week, a Ford representative was in Mr. Earl’s office, and a furious Mr. Earl took a handgun from his desk drawer, slammed it on the desktop. The gun went off; the bullet hitting the wall less than a foot from the Ford rep.

Now, I’m in Mr. Earl’s office. I can find no words that will placate this man. In his mind, I have the power to make a financial decision that will make his problem go away, and I won’t do it. I see Mr. Earl start to reach for his desk drawer, fully aware of the gun there, and that Mr. Earl is out of control. Capable of shooting me in a blind rage.

I don’t know what made me do it, but behind Mr. Earl’s desk is an oil painting of an older couple. The painting was hanging slightly crooked. Without saying a word, I stepped around Mr. Earl and straightened the painting.

Studying the picture, I realized that Mr. Earl had stopped screaming. I turned, and he was just staring at me, his mouth open….his hands at his side. No gun in sight.

In a quiet voice, I asked “Mr. Earl, who are these people”?

Mr. Earl replied, after a few seconds silence,  “They’re my parents.” His face had softened; he had an almost quizzical expression. There was no anger now. I wondered to myself ‘what the Hell just happened?’

Mr. Earl began to tell me about his parents. How his father had started the trucking company, hauling fish from Montreal to New York. Then he asked me about my family. I told him about my wife, daughter and 9 year old son, a goalie on his hockey team. Mr. Earl opened his closet door and produced a hockey stick, signed by all the players on the Montreal Canadians. “I own me a little hockey team. Take one of these for your boy.”

As I took the stick I said, “But Mr. Earl, one name is missing”. Mr. Earl frowned and said “Whatta you mean”? I replied, “Your name, Mr. Earl. Your name isn’t on here”.

I swear, tears welled up in Mr. Earl’s eyes, and he took a pen from his desk and signed the stick. Son Matt still has that hockey stick in his Denver home office.    

Spiral Impact. That’s ‘what the Hell’ happened. I moved around Mr. Earl and reached for the painting. I Spiral Impacted him. I changed the dynamic in that room by moving around him and asking a question.

For nearly 35 years I’ve wondered “what the Hell I did?” to change the dynamic in that Montreal office to keep Mr. Earl away from that gun. As I related this story to my colleague, Karen Valencic, she explained to me how Spiral Impact works. I know now that Spiral Impact works to change the odds in favor of those who understand the concept, or those few who just stumble into it.

Ed Friel

Dec. 29, 2009

Walking the line

February 3rd, 2010

Walking ‘the line’ initially takes courage, then it gets easy.


Mark is a manager. Visit his department and it feels depressing. Several low performers drag everyone else down. Mark is not even close to walking ‘the line;’ he is conflict avoidant, neglecting to hold people accountable.

The price: lack of engagement and innovation; errors; loss of good people.


Don is another manager. Visit his department and it feels tense. Don is a high performer and has very high expectations. If his people don’t do exactly what he wants, he blows up. Don is constantly crossing over ‘the line.’ Frequently, he ends up working a lot of extra hours redoing his peoples’ work.

The price: lack of engagement and innovation; errors; high turnover.


Jack is a third manager. Visit his department and it feels energized, you can feel people actually like and help each other. Jack knows how to walk ‘the line.’ He engages everyone, sets expectations, and speaks up immediately if something or someone is off target.

The benefit: innovation, engagement, quality and the pick of high performing individuals who want to be part of his organization.


What is this ‘line?’


‘The line’ is between creative and destructive conflict where innovation and peak performance lives.


Who are you most like? How do you know?

Join me this year…let’s walk ‘the line.’  Click here for one way.


Let off some steam

November 19th, 2009
In October I wrote about how ‘nice’ is as ineffective as ‘confrontational.’ One reader asked me about the ‘nice’ person who surprises everyone by suddenly becoming very angry and full of rage.

A very close analogy is cooking with a pressure cooker, which I do on a regular basis.  Many people are afraid of pressure cookers and for good reason.  If the pressure is not released, it explodes, very much like the person mentioned above.

One law of physics is very important to know:


When temperature rises so does pressure in an enclosed space.

The secret to pressure cooking is balancing the heat applied with the pressure released.   This is also true with people.  Being too ‘nice’ usually requires living an unspoken lie - which increases internal pressure.  This person may:

  • Say ‘yes’ too much and be over committed
  • Feel mistreated and not be able to speak up  appropriately
  • Feel uncomfortable asking for help
  • Have extraordinary demands on him or her because of  life circumstances

The answer is simple, although not easy.  Obey the law:

  • Reduce the heat- by asking for help; learning to say ‘no’
  • Release the pressure- exercising; belly breathing;  journaling; talking to a trusted advisor
  • Increase the space- center yourself;  create some ‘me’ time and get very clear about who you choose to be

Or, if this is an issue for someone close to you, be sensitive to his or her limits and help out!  Although, readily accepting help may be difficult for this person. Recognize “I can do it,” may be code for “I need help.”

The holidays are around the corner.  You can bet I’ll be correctly applying this law of physics both in my kitchen and with my schedule!

How about you?

Business Just Right

June 2nd, 2009

Timed traffic lights are a bit like life, relationships and business;  they work in your favor if you approach them ‘just right.’

Ever notice this? If you go too fast, you end up stopped. If you go too slow, you end up stopped.

If you go ‘just right’ you proceed without stopping – a nice even pace.

What is your pattern are you a lead foot or a slow poke? Or, are you just right?

If you are a lead foot you may –

  • drive people away by being too pushy
  • make rash decisions without considering the whole picture
  • make stupid errors
  • create unhealthy stress for you and those who work with you

If you are a slow poke you may –

  • Miss opportunities and fun

  • Get run over
  • Never feel comfortable to make a decision
  • Drive people away by being too complacent

What do you need to be “just right?”

Knowledge – about yourself;   about what you are involved in

Intention – define all levels of “It” what you want (in the book, page 75)

Focused energy – be centered and balanced personally

Support – figure out who and how you are supporting yourself

Ahhh…Yes! This is how you Spiral Impact It! And get it just right!

Honoring Differences

May 29th, 2009

‘Third class’ on Friday night is one of my favorite times of the week. ‘Third class’ is when our aikido group goes out for sushi and conversation. Class one and two are on the martial art training mat. We work up an appetite for ‘third class.’

Our group has one thing in common…we love to practice aikido.

However, our beliefs on world topics are as diverse as can be.

The beauty of ‘third class’ is the lively conversation ignited by differing view points. I don’t know if I’ve truly experience this in the past with a group. Given the current political and economic changes you’d think we’d be at odds with each other. Yet we all continue to show up and support each other in our growth.

I believe we can do this because we have a common tie. We all have a commitment to practice the art of harmony, aikido.

What about you? Are you involved with a diverse group? Does the group have a common tie that is strong enough to keep them listening and honoring opposing views? If not, do they have the skill? What do you think makes this possible?

Just ask

May 5th, 2009

A scholarship setting up a student to fail?

That’s what it seemed like to Alex. A full time job and an inflexible boss were crippling her ability to do well as a full time student, yet that was a requirement of the scholarship.

The only options she saw were either quitting the job and losing the scholarship or complaining to her boss’s boss.

Enter Spiral Impact.

One key element of Spiral Impact is:

Turn Your Statements into Questions, Acknowledgments, or Both.

I challenged Alex to deal directly with her immediate boss - this time with open ended questions rather than statements of futile frustration. I suggested she try questions such as “What did you find most helpful when you balanced work and school?” “What are the specific requirements of my scholarship?” Avoid questions asking “why?” as those tend to create a defense.

The next time I saw Alex she beamed, “Spiral Impact really works!”  Through dialogue she uncovered the scholarship required only a minimal number of hours and that her boss thought she was a part time student!

Result:  She keeps her scholarship and only works hours to fit her schedule giving her time to excel in school!

Do you have a challenging situation you are only making statements about? Ask what, how, where, when questions and get a different result!

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