Karen Valencic’s Blog

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Your Center Place

August 11th, 2010

Sunrise swims are it for me right now.

The pinkish blue shimmer on the water, the sound of lapping water, the weightless feeling of immersion, birds greeting the day, muscles extending, the water slick on my skin, steam rising, a distant hum of an airplane — a time I feel calm and alive with possibility — centered.

water

As the world wakes and life begins to happen, returning to this centered place is an internal choice.  Creating a vivid memory of the sights, sounds, and sensations help to bring me back to this center place.

As the days shorten, the pool closes, and the temperature cools, this center place still remains within me at my choosing. When I feel anxious, sad, afraid, or overwhelmed — re-experiencing, my center place opens me to possibility.

What about you? Where is your center place? Please share!

Center is the New Fast

June 8th, 2010

Ugh…it felt so slow.

A shoulder injury forced me to alter how I climb stairs at the gym. I lowered my speed 30% so as not to strain my shoulder by pulling myself up with the handrails. This seemed very slow.

I was shocked to see a 30% reduction in my speed only reduced the calories I burned by 1% in the same amount of time. My heart rate was the same as at the higher speed. This intrigued the engineer in me. Then, I remembered the formula:

Work = force x distance

The amount of work done is not a function of speed. While it felt slow to shift to centered* movement, I accomplished just as much.

Center is the new fast in a couple ways

  1. Centering creates more awareness and therefore lessens the likelihood of error.
  2. Ironically, the more centered you are the faster you can move! Indy cars are a great example.

Remember, the next time you are racing around holding your breath trying to get things done, speed is not a function of work…’center is the new fast!’ Breathe and refocus.

Please share your experiences!

With energy,

Karen Valencic

*Learn more about center beginning on page 59 of Spiral Impact or listen to ‘Strengthen your balance and focus’ CD.  Click here for your copy!

Pothole Communication

March 18th, 2010

It’s that time of year again when dodging potholes becomes a sport here in Indy - another aspect of ‘March Madness.’  Hitting a pothole in my Mini really shakes me up!

Hitting a communication ‘pothole’ can also shake a person up.  Potholes are a void begging to be filled, in the road or in communication.   You know what I mean…someone doesn’t return your call or fill a request.  He or she seems to disappear; you are left in the land of ‘not knowing,’ a void of information.

In the void of communication, what do you fill that ‘pothole’ with?

Do you assume it is about you?  That somehow you aren’t worthy?
Alice thought her proposal for work was accepted; dates were even discussed.  However, when she tried to confirm she received no response.  She assumed the project wasn’t going to happen. In the end, she learned her client thought they were confirmed.  He had less of a need for communication.

Do you assume the worst?  Something has happened to the person?
Tracy, your child, is out late and not answering his cell phone.  Need I say more?

Do you trust when the time is right you’ll have your response?
David is a busy executive. Over the years he’s learned when the time is right, he will hear from the person, just on time, although, it may not be his preferred time.

The astute communicator practices ‘pothole’ prevention by learning peoples’ preferences for communication.   Given there are so many options to deliver communication, I have found it surprising what some people prefer and resent!  Assuming anything is a big mistake.

  • Nancy, a baby boomer, informed me she feels resentful when someone phones her; it takes too much time to return a call
  • Eric, another baby boomer, informed me he primarily communicates on Facebook! E-mail is too slow for him
  • My 20 something daughters prefer texting
  • Jason, a Gen Xer business owner, prefers Linked-In
  • My mother likes me to call her on Sunday mornings; it is a ritual

The bottom-line is:  ask people how and when is the best way to communicate with them.

Yet, truly at the bottom of a pothole…

no communication… is communication.

It says, “This is not the most important thing to me right now. ”


What are your thoughts?


I love the Olympics

February 28th, 2010

I’ve become a floor statue (I am kneeling)…I love watching the Olympics. I find it so invigorating to watch people pursuing a huge goal!

Winter Olympics in particular, feels like the athletes unleash all they’ve got with the help of gravity. WOW!

Okay, Apolo is my favorite. This year is no exception. Not only is he very easy on the eyes. I love his philosophy. He seems very aiki like to me! Short track speed skating is a pretty wild sport. A few things I’ve heard him say that really apply to any sport or endeavor:

1. Did I do everything I could do today to do my very best?

2. Always be calm and watch for an ‘opening’ to appear.

3. Leave it on the ice.

A great message and certainly in line with “keep moving and bend your knees.” You’ll have to read my book to learn more!


Toyota

February 22nd, 2010

I am fascinated with the current Toyota situation, as a former automotive engineer, a conflict expert and a long time student of a traditional Japanese martial art.

First of all, having been involved in the auto industry I’ve always been fascinated how well cars work when you consider how many people and processes all have to go ‘right’ when assembling a car. Thousands of people have some sort of input. The fact they actually run when they come off the assembly line is somewhat of a miracle.

‘Stuff’ happens and the more people involved the more likely more ’stuff’ happens.

When I was an automotive engineer we did something called DFME - Design Failure Mode Analysis. We looked at every dimension on every part and explored all possible problems if that dimension was not met. If something wasn’t right in manufacturing it was documented. We would never put something out that was suspect of a problem that would cause failure of a safety item. THAT WAS 25 YEARS AGO!

Toyota set a new standard since my involvement. There have been many books written to their quality standards and processes.

What happened?

I believe a combination of two things:

1. Toyota’s intention changed - their intention became one of world dominance…not the highest quality. Starbucks made a similar shift and found themselves in a hole.

2. Not willing to be transparent. When accidents happen; when people are dying the only right thing to do is be transparent immediately.

As a student of a traditional Japanese martial art…I am disappointed at the current culture of Toyota. Just move forward! Be transparent…don’t pretend to be perfect.

And that is all I have to say. Karen


Not so ‘Nice’

October 15th, 2009

‘Nice’ is as ineffective as ‘confrontational’ and maybe worse.

Colleen and seven other women invested a few thousand dollars and a week of their time to participate in a ’spiritual’ retreat. The goal was to renew their spiritual lives and form an ongoing monthly support group when they returned home.

The group dissolved within four months. Why? I believe it was because they were too ‘nice.’

One woman, Ruth brought her children (ages 3 & 5) to the monthly support meetings. The children were alive with enthusiasm and easily brought to tears if things didn’t go their way. This was a major distraction from the intention of the group: spiritual renewal and support.

Colleen shared with me nobody wanted to ‘confront’ Ruth so they just quietly dissolved the group. Colleen was very disappointed.

Being ‘nice’ - didn’t get any of them what they wanted. ‘Nice’ usually involves an unspoken lie.

The goal is not to be nice; the goal is to be sincere. Sincerity is honesty tempered with kindness.

There were other options other than ‘nice’ and ‘confrontational’ to resolve this and get what they wanted and with grace!

Applying Spiral Impact concepts, a few options:

  • Stating the truth with love or from ‘center’, such as: “I value the time we are together and the interruptions make it difficult to focus and connect. Can we agree to have this an adults only day? Or, find a different place for the kids?” Perhaps the group could help her find an alternative for her children.  Note: love or from ‘center’ is the operative word here…if these are not present it will not work.
  • Revisiting the intention of the meeting and ask if the format is working for people. Hopefully, this was done initially.
  • Creating a group credo based on value questions during the week long retreat. See Spiral Impact, page 82.

None of these options are confrontational. Yet, anyone of them would have produced a more honest growth filled experience.  What suggestions do you have?

Set Your Lead

June 16th, 2009

We often lead in the subtlest way.

In, aikido, my martial arts practice one person leads by providing the energy, or attack, and the other person responds. How someone provides energy leads to how a beginner will respond.

Vigorous energy leads to vigorous response. Mean spirited energy leads to hard intense response. Weak energy leads to minimal response.

Believe me you learn this quickly when you are physically involved!

I’ve noticed the same is true off the mat in a more subtle way. For example:

  • Beginning meetings late leads to people coming late
  • Blaming someone leads to a defensive response
  • Giving unclear direction leads to lack of clear results

Not getting the response you want? Check to make sure you are setting a clear lead.

Now flip the scenario, you are on the receiving end of unclear leads, what do you do? The advanced aikido student will respond clearly with sincerity regardless of the energy provided. Off the mat an advanced student will:

  • Show up on time
  • Diffuse blame by choosing to learn more about the situation
  • Ask for clear expectations

If you find yourself in annoying unclear situations ask yourself these two questions:

  1. Am I providing a clear lead?
  2. Am I responding to another person’s unclear subtle leads honorably with questions for clarity?

Hope your summer is off to a great beginning!

Business Just Right

June 2nd, 2009

Timed traffic lights are a bit like life, relationships and business;  they work in your favor if you approach them ‘just right.’

Ever notice this? If you go too fast, you end up stopped. If you go too slow, you end up stopped.

If you go ‘just right’ you proceed without stopping – a nice even pace.

What is your pattern are you a lead foot or a slow poke? Or, are you just right?

If you are a lead foot you may –

  • drive people away by being too pushy
  • make rash decisions without considering the whole picture
  • make stupid errors
  • create unhealthy stress for you and those who work with you

If you are a slow poke you may –

  • Miss opportunities and fun

  • Get run over
  • Never feel comfortable to make a decision
  • Drive people away by being too complacent

What do you need to be “just right?”

Knowledge – about yourself;   about what you are involved in

Intention – define all levels of “It” what you want (in the book, page 75)

Focused energy – be centered and balanced personally

Support – figure out who and how you are supporting yourself

Ahhh…Yes! This is how you Spiral Impact It! And get it just right!

Honoring Differences

May 29th, 2009

‘Third class’ on Friday night is one of my favorite times of the week. ‘Third class’ is when our aikido group goes out for sushi and conversation. Class one and two are on the martial art training mat. We work up an appetite for ‘third class.’

Our group has one thing in common…we love to practice aikido.

However, our beliefs on world topics are as diverse as can be.

The beauty of ‘third class’ is the lively conversation ignited by differing view points. I don’t know if I’ve truly experience this in the past with a group. Given the current political and economic changes you’d think we’d be at odds with each other. Yet we all continue to show up and support each other in our growth.

I believe we can do this because we have a common tie. We all have a commitment to practice the art of harmony, aikido.

What about you? Are you involved with a diverse group? Does the group have a common tie that is strong enough to keep them listening and honoring opposing views? If not, do they have the skill? What do you think makes this possible?

Fear of the unknown leak

May 27th, 2009

In the still of the night I heard a faint drip. I wrote it off to the ice cube maker doing its magic, but then I remembered: I don’t own an ice cube maker.

The next morning I reluctantly followed the sound. It drew me to the basement, and then (eww!) the crawlspace. It was there in the dark void I spied the drip. A holiday weekend meant no access to a handyman: it was up to me to fix the leak.

At first I felt like crying. I felt alone and afraid of mud, creepy crawlers or worse a bigger leak!

My life’s work is dealing with this sort of situation, not leaks, but fear and conflict. As I trembled, I reminded myself of my methodology, Spiral Impact – the Power to Get It Done with Grace. My ‘It‘ was fixing this leak. Could I do this with grace?!

I contorted myself through a 2’ x 3’ opening to land on a couple of loose boards which formed a bridge over a dry moat. I kept breathing, determined to be the suburban Indiana Jones .

Upon closer inspection of the drip, I realized I needed more knowledge. It was off to the hardware store. I talked through the art of cutting copper piping and valve selection with Mr. Mike of Ace Hardware. I bought a few supplies, then ventured back into the crawlspace. Long story short, I had to make a total of 3 trips to Mr. Mike’s.

As I fixed one issue another appeared. You can probably relate.

I kept breathing and stayed present with the challenge.

Needless to say, when I finally turned the water back on and nothing leaked, I felt a huge sense of accomplishment. It even looked good - and I didn’t have to use duct tape!

So what?

That weekend project reinforced to me the power of Spiral Impacting. I felt stuck; yet, I entered into the situation seeking new knowledge, asking for support, clarifying my intention…and most of all staying centered.

I was able to move through my fear to get it done with grace.

How about you? Are you feeling stuck or fearful in an area of your life?

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