In October I wrote about how ‘nice’ is as ineffective as ‘confrontational.’ One reader asked me about the ‘nice’ person who surprises everyone by suddenly becoming very angry and full of rage.
A very close analogy is cooking with a pressure cooker, which I do on a regular basis. Many people are afraid of pressure cookers and for good reason. If the pressure is not released, it explodes, very much like the person mentioned above.
When temperature rises so does pressure in an enclosed space.
The secret to pressure cooking is balancing the heat applied with the pressure released. This is also true with people. Being too ‘nice’ usually requires living an unspoken lie - which increases internal pressure. This person may:
A very close analogy is cooking with a pressure cooker, which I do on a regular basis. Many people are afraid of pressure cookers and for good reason. If the pressure is not released, it explodes, very much like the person mentioned above.
One law of physics is very important to know:
When temperature rises so does pressure in an enclosed space.
The secret to pressure cooking is balancing the heat applied with the pressure released. This is also true with people. Being too ‘nice’ usually requires living an unspoken lie - which increases internal pressure. This person may:
- Say ‘yes’ too much and be over committed
- Feel mistreated and not be able to speak up appropriately
- Feel uncomfortable asking for help
- Have extraordinary demands on him or her because of life circumstances
The answer is simple, although not easy. Obey the law:
- Reduce the heat- by asking for help; learning to say ‘no’
- Release the pressure- exercising; belly breathing; journaling; talking to a trusted advisor
- Increase the space- center yourself; create some ‘me’ time and get very clear about who you choose to be
Or, if this is an issue for someone close to you, be sensitive to his or her limits and help out! Although, readily accepting help may be difficult for this person. Recognize “I can do it,” may be code for “I need help.”
The holidays are around the corner. You can bet I’ll be correctly applying this law of physics both in my kitchen and with my schedule!
How about you?
Tags: Conflict Resolution, eye of storm, listening, stress management
