Just one more question

Posted on October 18, 2011 by karen

Just one more question would have saved me an hour.

Those of you who know me well, know I am very committed to working out.  I schedule a work out almost everyday.   I find it invaluable in numerous ways:  thinking time, refreshed energy, and physical wellness.

Today I scheduled a swim in at 1 PM, my reward after a morning of writing, before I go teach an evening course.  When I arrived at the gym, a bright pink sign greeted me at the door.  THE POOL IS CLOSED TODAY.  Darn, there goes my schedule.  This is the second time this month this has happened.

In accordance with the Spiral Impact principles I decide to get centered and learn how to prevent this from happening again, I asked the manager:

Is there a pool maintenance schedule?  No, there isn’t.
Is it posted somewhere I can check before I drive here?  No, it isn’t.
What is the best thing I should do so I don’t drive here when the pool is closed?  Call this number (how convenient!).

On my way back to the office,  it occurred to me one very important question:

When will the pool reopen?

I called.  It reopened right after I left.

One more question would have saved me an hour.

When you are problem solving, stop and think through the entire scenario. I know next time I will!

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Got Space?

Posted on October 10, 2011 by karen

Influence and creativity are found in the spaces.

In the martial arts, connecting with the ‘space’ between the muscles, tendons, or bones of your opponent makes it easy to influence physical movement.  Aikido Sensei Kevin Choate said, “The body doesn’t react because there is nothing there…then it is easy to influence his movement.”

I’ve thought a lot about this ‘space’ idea.  In communication or conflict, listening well creates space.  When you create space for the other’s voice the fight to be understood is gone.  This makes it easier to influence movement as the resistance dissipates.

My most creative ideas come when I create space away from my normal activity.

Space is a gift.  Yet, it is so easy to give it away once you have it.

What is your experience with space?  Do you use it for influence and creativity? Tell me how…

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Red Parrot Phenomenon

Posted on October 4, 2011 by karen

Does your ‘past’ self follow you around?  You’ve made major improvements in your performance, but the people around see only the past you?

I call this the Red Parrot Phenomenon.

The Exploratorium in San Francisco has a science experiment demonstrating this.   Two white panels, one has a red parrot the other has an empty birdcage,  the experiment:  stare at the red parrot for 30 seconds, then, shift your eyes to the empty birdcage. What happens?

The red parrot appears in the empty cage.

Previous impressions overwrite what is presently happening.  The more emotional the investment the more difficult it is to see change.

Past behavior or performance is often a good indication of future behavior.  That is why the Red Parrot Phenomenon is so prevalent.

You’ve improved – how do you get people to see you anew!?

Be overt in your change!  Talk about it, share your intention, and ask to be held accountable, ask for suggestions.

When someone brings up the past you, acknowledge it and remind him of your intention or improvement.  And again ask for his or her support.

Sustained performance improvement takes time and effort.  When you continually demonstrate new behavior over time, trust will ensue and your ‘red parrot’ will change.

All the best,  Karen

Posted in Conflict management, Leadership, improvement, performance improvement | Leave a comment

What is your ‘grasshopper?’

Posted on September 23, 2011 by karen

What does a grasshopper have to do with conflict resolution or performance improvement?

My indoor winter garden is filled with fresh young green plants, a delightful contrast as everything else is going dormant with the onset of fall.  This morning I was surprised to be greeted by a beautiful grasshopper sitting majestically a top a collard plant!

You might think the conflict is having a grasshopper in a garden.  No, I was thrilled to have a grasshopper in my garden (short term that is).   It means my garden in nontoxic.

I picked up the grasshopper and sat down with it perched on my finger.  I studied the intricate design of his armor.  We checked each other out.  We probably sat for 5 minutes together just the two of us.

Memories of my childhood came forth.  When I was young my best friend, Dianne, and I were always in pursuit of bugs. The presence I felt as a child out at play returned.  When I was young that was all there was – the grasshopper and me.  I wasn’t distracted with other things; I was just with the grasshopper.

A certain magic comes with just being ‘present’ with one thing.

‘Centered’ is a term I use when I teach conflict resolution.   Centered (or call it presence, balance, focus) is a crucial skill to resolve conflict.  I felt centered with the grasshopper.

I often guide my clients to recall a time in their past when they felt centered – when time stands still, everything is animated, vivid.  It is accompanied by the feeling of possibility and quiet power.

From this centered state resolution and possibilities are much easier identified.

Suddenly, the grasshopper sprung away off my finger.  I smile and know that centered state is just a thought away, whenever I choose.

What is your state today?  What is your equivalent to my grasshopper experience?

BTW, Strengthen your balance and focus: centering practice is now available as an mp3 download.  CLICK HERE

From center,  Karen

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Reminder, Reflection, Commitment

Posted on September 12, 2011 by karen

Whoops! It’s been busy with Labor Day, school, football and 911 memories. So, I’ve extended the early registration discount for this coming Open program, until the 16th, in case you’ve been distracted.

Thursdays, September 22 & 29
Spiral Impact and Use Conflict Creatively
Click Here for details.

My reflection on 911:

That morning I facilitated a half-day session of Using Conflict Creatively for the leadership of a large furniture sales company. As we began the session at 9 AM it wasn’t clear what was happening in New York. The decision was made to continue the training.

News trickled in.

Rather than being distracted, the audience deepened their attention to the content. I remember, as the news grew more dire, the urgency of how to use conflict creatively accelerated in a very quite centered way.

For me, 911 deepened my commitment to get along with others and share my knowledge.

If we can’t get along with our co-workers and family, how can we possibly get along with others so vastly different than ourselves?

My prayer in the memory of the loss is that we all can come together without a tragedy forcing it.

Thank you for joining me on this path.

From center,

Karen

Posted in centering, conflict, differences | Tagged , , | 3 Comments