June 16th, 2009
We often lead in the subtlest way.
In, aikido, my martial arts practice one person leads by providing the energy, or attack, and the other person responds. How someone provides energy leads to how a beginner will respond.
Vigorous energy leads to vigorous response. Mean spirited energy leads to hard intense response. Weak energy leads to minimal response.
Believe me you learn this quickly when you are physically involved!
I’ve noticed the same is true off the mat in a more subtle way. For example:
- Beginning meetings late leads to people coming late
- Blaming someone leads to a defensive response
- Giving unclear direction leads to lack of clear results
Not getting the response you want? Check to make sure you are setting a clear lead.
Now flip the scenario, you are on the receiving end of unclear leads, what do you do? The advanced aikido student will respond clearly with sincerity regardless of the energy provided. Off the mat an advanced student will:
- Show up on time
- Diffuse blame by choosing to learn more about the situation
- Ask for clear expectations
If you find yourself in annoying unclear situations ask yourself these two questions:
- Am I providing a clear lead?
- Am I responding to another person’s unclear subtle leads honorably with questions for clarity?
Hope your summer is off to a great beginning!
Tags: aikido, conflict, Conflict Resolution, intention
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May 29th, 2009
‘Third class’ on Friday night is one of my favorite times of the week. ‘Third class’ is when our aikido group goes out for sushi and conversation. Class one and two are on the martial art training mat. We work up an appetite for ‘third class.’
Our group has one thing in common…we love to practice aikido.
However, our beliefs on world topics are as diverse as can be.
The beauty of ‘third class’ is the lively conversation ignited by differing view points. I don’t know if I’ve truly experience this in the past with a group. Given the current political and economic changes you’d think we’d be at odds with each other. Yet we all continue to show up and support each other in our growth.
I believe we can do this because we have a common tie. We all have a commitment to practice the art of harmony, aikido.
What about you? Are you involved with a diverse group? Does the group have a common tie that is strong enough to keep them listening and honoring opposing views? If not, do they have the skill? What do you think makes this possible?
Tags: aikido, Conflict Resolution, Diversity
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April 27th, 2009
Sure, I am frequently tempted to play favorites both on the aikido training mat and in my life.
My favorites are people who make me feel comfortable and see things from my point of view. On the aikido mat they are fun to practice with because the techniques just flow and we fly through the air with ease; frankly, it is a blast.
It is the difficult people I sometimes want to avoid. In life, they don’t share my point of view. On the training mat they are the people who come in either too strong or too limp.
Yet, it’s those difficult people, where I stretch and grow both on the mat and in life.
- The person who questions or corrects something I say…stretches me to get clarity and broaden my perspective.
- The person who is emotionally out of control…stretches me to get more balance in my center.
- The person who is limp or lacking initiative…stretches my patience and understanding
In aikido there is a saying, “your attacker is never wrong.” This statement is a stretch for most people. Think about the last time you felt attacked verbally or were in disagreement with an adversary. Did you believe your adversary was wrong and you were right?
This is one way people get stuck.
To get ‘unstuck,’ evaluate your intention. If your intention is to be right, you will see your adversary as wrong. If your intention is to create influence and collaborate you will realize “your attacker is never wrong.” It is up to you to Spiral Impact to understand his or her perspective. Only then will you find a resolution to the situation.
When you live by this concept, you will rarely feel attacked because the difficult person or situation becomes a cataylst for a different perspective or angle.
Tell me, what is your perspective?
Tags: aikido, conflict, intention, resolution, Spiral Impact
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