Karen Valencic’s Blog

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Your Center Place

August 11th, 2010

Sunrise swims are it for me right now.

The pinkish blue shimmer on the water, the sound of lapping water, the weightless feeling of immersion, birds greeting the day, muscles extending, the water slick on my skin, steam rising, a distant hum of an airplane — a time I feel calm and alive with possibility — centered.

water

As the world wakes and life begins to happen, returning to this centered place is an internal choice.  Creating a vivid memory of the sights, sounds, and sensations help to bring me back to this center place.

As the days shorten, the pool closes, and the temperature cools, this center place still remains within me at my choosing. When I feel anxious, sad, afraid, or overwhelmed — re-experiencing, my center place opens me to possibility.

What about you? Where is your center place? Please share!

Make a good decision!

February 11th, 2010

Fresh fruit or gooey chocolate cake, think fast, what is your choice?

Beware: Your choice may be dictated by the number of things on your mind.

I listened to a fascinating program on public radio www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/.  They site a study: people were asked to memorize a series of numbers, containing either 2 or 7 digits. Then, they were asked to walk down a hall to another room where they’d need to report their numbers.

In the hallway, unexpectedly, a hostess asked each person if they would like a snack; she offered fruit salad or big fat piece of chocolate cake.  Almost always, the people with 7 numbers on their minds chose cake;the people with 2 numbers chose fruit.

The conclusion - you make better choices when you have less things going on in your mind!  If you have too many things going on your emotional mind override your logic and goes for the comfort food.

The task - how in a busy world do you minimize the ’stuff’ in your head?

For me it is a combination of two things:

1. Making a prioritized  “to do” list.

2. Staying centered, focused and balanced.

When I do this, my choice is even better than fruit, it is brocolli!

How about you?


What is your constant?

February 5th, 2010

Sirens bringing comfort?

I hear them echoing through the neighborhoods; it happens every Friday at 11 AM sharp. I can count on it. I feel comfort in them because it always happens. (For you non-Indiana people this is the time the emergency sirens are tested. )

When change is happening; when life feels rocky – I look to those things that are constant for comfort.

I look out the window and it is snowing; I feel comfort knowing in about 6 weeks buds will be coming out on the trees – it always happens it’s a constant. In the Fall those leaves will turn color and fall…it always happens.

The other constant I have is my thoughts. I choose to be constant about gratitude. My last thought before sleeping is gratitude; the first thought on waking is gratitude. Nobody can take that away regardless of circumstances.

What about you? What is constant in your life?


Not so ‘Nice’

October 15th, 2009

‘Nice’ is as ineffective as ‘confrontational’ and maybe worse.

Colleen and seven other women invested a few thousand dollars and a week of their time to participate in a ’spiritual’ retreat. The goal was to renew their spiritual lives and form an ongoing monthly support group when they returned home.

The group dissolved within four months. Why? I believe it was because they were too ‘nice.’

One woman, Ruth brought her children (ages 3 & 5) to the monthly support meetings. The children were alive with enthusiasm and easily brought to tears if things didn’t go their way. This was a major distraction from the intention of the group: spiritual renewal and support.

Colleen shared with me nobody wanted to ‘confront’ Ruth so they just quietly dissolved the group. Colleen was very disappointed.

Being ‘nice’ - didn’t get any of them what they wanted. ‘Nice’ usually involves an unspoken lie.

The goal is not to be nice; the goal is to be sincere. Sincerity is honesty tempered with kindness.

There were other options other than ‘nice’ and ‘confrontational’ to resolve this and get what they wanted and with grace!

Applying Spiral Impact concepts, a few options:

  • Stating the truth with love or from ‘center’, such as: “I value the time we are together and the interruptions make it difficult to focus and connect. Can we agree to have this an adults only day? Or, find a different place for the kids?” Perhaps the group could help her find an alternative for her children.  Note: love or from ‘center’ is the operative word here…if these are not present it will not work.
  • Revisiting the intention of the meeting and ask if the format is working for people. Hopefully, this was done initially.
  • Creating a group credo based on value questions during the week long retreat. See Spiral Impact, page 82.

None of these options are confrontational. Yet, anyone of them would have produced a more honest growth filled experience.  What suggestions do you have?

Business Just Right

June 2nd, 2009

Timed traffic lights are a bit like life, relationships and business;  they work in your favor if you approach them ‘just right.’

Ever notice this? If you go too fast, you end up stopped. If you go too slow, you end up stopped.

If you go ‘just right’ you proceed without stopping – a nice even pace.

What is your pattern are you a lead foot or a slow poke? Or, are you just right?

If you are a lead foot you may –

  • drive people away by being too pushy
  • make rash decisions without considering the whole picture
  • make stupid errors
  • create unhealthy stress for you and those who work with you

If you are a slow poke you may –

  • Miss opportunities and fun

  • Get run over
  • Never feel comfortable to make a decision
  • Drive people away by being too complacent

What do you need to be “just right?”

Knowledge – about yourself;   about what you are involved in

Intention – define all levels of “It” what you want (in the book, page 75)

Focused energy – be centered and balanced personally

Support – figure out who and how you are supporting yourself

Ahhh…Yes! This is how you Spiral Impact It! And get it just right!

Fear of the unknown leak

May 27th, 2009

In the still of the night I heard a faint drip. I wrote it off to the ice cube maker doing its magic, but then I remembered: I don’t own an ice cube maker.

The next morning I reluctantly followed the sound. It drew me to the basement, and then (eww!) the crawlspace. It was there in the dark void I spied the drip. A holiday weekend meant no access to a handyman: it was up to me to fix the leak.

At first I felt like crying. I felt alone and afraid of mud, creepy crawlers or worse a bigger leak!

My life’s work is dealing with this sort of situation, not leaks, but fear and conflict. As I trembled, I reminded myself of my methodology, Spiral Impact – the Power to Get It Done with Grace. My ‘It‘ was fixing this leak. Could I do this with grace?!

I contorted myself through a 2’ x 3’ opening to land on a couple of loose boards which formed a bridge over a dry moat. I kept breathing, determined to be the suburban Indiana Jones .

Upon closer inspection of the drip, I realized I needed more knowledge. It was off to the hardware store. I talked through the art of cutting copper piping and valve selection with Mr. Mike of Ace Hardware. I bought a few supplies, then ventured back into the crawlspace. Long story short, I had to make a total of 3 trips to Mr. Mike’s.

As I fixed one issue another appeared. You can probably relate.

I kept breathing and stayed present with the challenge.

Needless to say, when I finally turned the water back on and nothing leaked, I felt a huge sense of accomplishment. It even looked good - and I didn’t have to use duct tape!

So what?

That weekend project reinforced to me the power of Spiral Impacting. I felt stuck; yet, I entered into the situation seeking new knowledge, asking for support, clarifying my intention…and most of all staying centered.

I was able to move through my fear to get it done with grace.

How about you? Are you feeling stuck or fearful in an area of your life?

Staying in the ‘eye’ of the storm

April 14th, 2009

To stay in the ‘eye’ and not get sucked into the storm - this is my intention.

For 17 years, I’ve taught that a calm, yet alive, presence like the ‘eye of the storm’ is crucial to being able to use conflict creatively and navigate through the intensity of life with grace.  I call this a ‘centered’ state.

Yet lately, my ‘to do’ list is longer and more people are vying for my attention.   I’ve noticed feeling a little tense and out of sorts.  I also realize I’ve been jumping into activity first thing in the morning in place of my morning ‘centering’ rituals.  Clearly, it is time for me to get back to what I know works.

While having a plan for my business, increasing my knowledge, and enlisting support are very important, when I am centered I am much more efficient and thorough.  Needless to say, I am happier too!

I cannot hire centering out like my web design.  It is all about me.

The morning sets the tone for the whole day.  Spending even just a few minutes with breathing, meditation and stretching makes a world of difference.  And revisiting this centered place periodically throughout the day helps me, stay in the eye instead of getting sucked into the storm.

I’ve come to realize being centered is like brushing your teeth.  You must do it every day several times or you will experience decay!  Just having knowledge of the concept doesn’t bring it into being.

How do you cultivate the eye of the storm?

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